Sympathy On Demand

Terms and Conditions:

• Choose your SoD Partner.
• Persons that qualify to be your SoDP include spouses (preferably your own), significant others, parents, sane relatives, friends, and BFF's. Persons that are expressly prohibited from SoDP status are children under the age of 18 who must not be scarred by your dysfunctionality, insane relatives, nosy neighbors, the office gossip, your boss.. You get the general idea.
• The nature of the SoD relationship must be established at the outset as one of two things: One-Way or Two-Way.
• SoD1 involves one partner being the constant sympathy demander (to be referred to as the 'Demander' herewith) with the other being the sympathy giver (to be referred to as the 'Giver' herewith). The designations are irreversible within the scope of the defined relationship.
• SoD2 involves an inter-changeable Demander-Giver designation, which can vary based on the circumstances.
• The Demander may demand sympathy not more than once a week, and not more than 4 hours a day.
• The Giver, upon entering into a SoD dynamic, understands that an appeal for sympathy must not be rejected as long as it complies with the other SoD rules.
• In case of SoD2 relationships, both parties must have equal access to being either the Demander or the Giver. A rotational schedule is highly recommended.
• A demand for sympathy need not be precipitated by calamitous events alone. Sympathy for the sake of sympathy is always allowed in SoD relationships.
• All SoD participants agree to abide by the above rules. Failure to adhere to the SoD rules can lead to the person(s) being barred from future participation in the program.

You will note that there is no fine print, nor are there any double asterixes referring to foot-notes. The SoD program prides itself on its transparency. We're believers of the ZB philosophy - Zero Bullshit, that is.

So we say unto you.. Set forth and spread the sympathy.