Inky Pinky Ponky

I was just 'Orkutting' and came across the line: Who said life is fair, it is about making choices.

It took me only a couple of minutes to realize the truth in that statement. In life, we do really come across those 'decision-making-crossroads' (And I assume that includes the Inky-Pinky-Ponky ones too!), and sometimes we do not realize that we are in fact at such a juncture. More often than not, we do take the easy way out. Reminded me of this poem I came across in high school:

The Road Not Taken
By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Theories abound and arguments continue over the interpretation of this poem - if Frost was mocking his friend's indecisiveness, if it was about his choice in life to become a poet, if there is a satire in saying that 'Though as for that the passing there, Had worn them really about the same' alluding to the fact that we see what we want to see, and a lot of other views.

Be as it may, it all boils down to making a choice. What triggers a person to lean towards one choice more than another? Is it the state of mind at that point of time, the pressures, the feasibility, the 'correctness' of the decision..? Does his 'And that has made all the difference' ring a satisfactory tone, or a sigh of things that may-have-been?

They say that people who are mentally strong, and keep a cool & clear head while making a decision are those who are good decision makers. Why? Why can it not be that fickle minded people think about an issue in more angles than one, and hence cannot make up their mind? Eventually, everyone does end up making a decision, for good or bad. And time will tell.. Even then, down the lane, some might look back, some might not. Some might regret it, and some might reap a future benefit from the wrong choice (as it might have seemed at an earlier point in time) they made. Is life just a play of probability? Is it just nothing but a 0-1/on-off choice?

Society shapes what you think. But aren't you a part of the society? And thus influencing some other person's train of thought? If that were true, are we all just a tapestry bound together by interwoven thought processes? What of the so called non-conformists? Are they the knots in between? Do they need to be weeded out? I would think not. They add the textural dimension, don't they? Would you rather have a cotton rug beneath your feet, or a nice knotted Persian?

All you need is the belief to adhere to your decision, and the strength to see it through. That is what strong people are made of, not a single window of thought.. Deep down, you must just believe that you are doing what you think is smart and right. Right - morally and ethically. And from this decision and conviction will spring the strength that will carry you through it. It took the spider all the way up, did it not? :)

I will always remember the one line that takes me through life: 'Everything that happens, happens for the best'. How easy it is to throw the dice, and realize that you have done your part, and the faces that land up on the dice are not really in your hands (as long as you ain't cheatin'..!) As big as you think that your life has its problems, there are people out there with problems much worse anyways.

Psyched!

Why am I thrilled? Because I picked up a whole bunch of books to read.. Yeay! An obscure corner of the mall had this bookstore which had this Bag-it-offer.. you just pick up a normal sized grocery bag, and put all the books you want into it, and its all for just 5 bucks! How cool is that??!!! So, racing against mall-closing-time, I zipped through shelves of books, and guess I picked up somewhere around 25 books? And now, I can slowly read all of them, when I'm indulging myself during that 15 day holiday that I'm counting down to...

I picked up a whole bunch of varied fiction stuff, right from the Jackie Collins variety to Robin Cooks and a lot of unknowns. In between all these plots lies this one type of novel which I still love and hate. Its the psycho stuff... all the brutal serial killers, the raving maniacs with minds that snapped from a childhood tragedy, the cold blooded ruthless ones who kill just for the heck of it, the criminal masterminds who plot intricate cat-and -mouse games just to thwart the Yard.

I haven't yet decided if I love them or hate them. For instance there was this Dean Koontz "Intensity" that I read, about this guy who kills to appease his fine 'senses' and is a cop in real life. What a twisted character he was... These are the kind of novels you loathe, go 'eeeewwwww' over, but still continue reading because you want to see what happens in the end! Some of these psycho plots are so elaborate, some are killers on a whim, some consider themselves Gods of justice, some carve up pregnant women, some go about getting rid of gay people, some fashion whole scenarios like in the movie 'Saw', some just have mindless sprees, and what not? I absolutely HATE them.. but every now and then, when the mood gets to me, I go all dark and morbid and sit down curled with one of these kind of novels.

Do people write such novels mirroring the actual criminals out there in society? Do they write them as an escapist fantasy that they'd like to embark on, but cannot owing to the societal scenario? Do criminals get their ideas from all these pages of gore and guts? What drives the writer/the reader to write/read such a story? Why do I, at times, want to read a purely psychotic story? Is it to convince myself that there are people who are more psycho than I am? Am I psycho? Is it just to see how cracked the human facade can be? Is it to just become numb and not think about anything for a while after you read that? I cannot fathom it, but I repulse these novels.. And yet, once in a while, I pick up one of their kinds!

And whatever you study into the mystery that is the human mind, there aren't going to be answers out there. Psychiatrists exist, I'm not saying they are baloney.. But in the end, no one can predict/figure out in entirety what drives such sociopaths. They are in a way fanatics. But that is a whole other state of existence. I'd say that in a way, all humans are fanatics about something or the other, it is just the degree of obsession that is the thin line between the normal folks and the others. But who are we to claim ourselves as normal? I'm obsessive about having a clean space, where-as someone at a higher degree of this obsession might, for all you know, go around slashing people who bother him in that aspect! I might tolerate all beliefs and faiths, but someone who is not open to it might as well become a 'terrorist' in their own right. And what of the people the society brands as 'terrorists'? What made them that way? Was it just their upbringing, or was there a humane side to them too? What of all the different angles which define a person?

What is it that drives people to become that way? Again, it is all in the mind. As gullible as it can get, the psyche can be completely unrelenting and unyielding. That makes us who we are. For some, the control drives you either to the extremes or to a balance which might be your key to sanity. But you cannot question the sanity of anyone at the extreme ends of the spectrum either! What gives you the ability to decide who is sane and who is not? After all, an insane persons first claim is that he/she is indeed sane.

This is where the future of humanity pretty much lies: in the balance of control over the self and over others. In the mind...

Boooooring.

Have I done any notably 'crazy' things in my life? Hmm... I wonder!

Nothing so absolutely smashin' to gloat about. Dyammm, am I a boring individual?

Ok, maybe I should list the 'crazy' things I haven't done, and then go about doing them in 2007.

Naahh, I should just get crazy on impulse. Talking about which, I have done quite a bit of 'impulsive' stuff in the two years I've been here, and that reassures me I ain't that predictable and boooooring.

Woh pehli bar

Hmm.. the pehli bar? As the queen of interpretations would rule supreme!

The pehli 'bar' I jumped into? When I was sick and poor couz of mine was trying to get this fresh-off-the-plane-and-sick-child a ginger ale by all means, while waiting for Muk to turn up? And there it was (aptly named): the First Base, in the heart of Sox-land.

Or the 'Woh pehli bar', which I hum for no reason, every now and then. Sweet song. The movie bombed (I guess, and I haven't seen it anyways) but I did catch the tune. Hmm, romantic and me? Now thats a laugh. But doesn't hurt to listen to these songs right?

And all the other 'pehli bar' stuff.. that night on 57th, on the way back from a daring jaunt through the univ to get to Noodles etc, and on a full stomach plodding along, and lo and behold.. my first fire-fly sighting. I know, shame on me, I was 24 when I actually got to see real live fireflies fluttering around. Fascinating!

Or the first time I was proudly grinning seeing my name on the Company phone and contacts list.. the flyer that gets updated and distributed on the routine. Well, cmon, I'm only an intern, I have every right to grin :)

Or the first time I navigated downtown without getting lost, on my own.. the first time I bought those CK jeans of mine with no one to ask an opinion from.. the first time I drove my car all by myself, with no one on the passenger seat!.. the first time I had bills in my name.. my first credit card. Like duh!

Or the road trips, the Metra escapades, the Target sprees, the Dollar stores..

Or the rasamalai, the mor-kuzhambu, the onion garlic chutney (forget the rava dosa that went with it!)..

Or the first time I paged someone on the company paging system.. gleeeeee... that was this morning ;) Cool!

Looks like I'm a nut case, bringing life to the phrase: Simple pleasures in life.

?!

Things do move along... the 2 credit project, the doc's visits, the company projects, the shopping sprees, the lets-have-fun episodes. Isn't as tough as I thought they would be, but now and then, I remember that its not as it all seems!

But who cares? As long as the day goes by... and with work picking up, having to complete stuff by the deadlines, its not so bad.

I am so looking forward to the December vacations that I'm going to take.. man, 15 days of much needed doing-nothing, not waking up early in the morning, going out whenever and wherever, maybe try a trip or something, or just vegetate turning the heat up, the soup on the stove and the novel on my pillow.. I've started counting down to Dec 12th already!!

Blah, nothing much to write about right now.. but quite a bit happened - the realization about me having kept away from Alexa's and grown my hair a bit, another no-big-deal Diwali (seventh in a row), retail therapy weekend, Monday morning purples (I ain't all that blue today!!!!), accounts due, my blah mehndi (was so impatient, I took it off in a short time, and its a dull orange, blyech), the record socks, the shady trip to the Alley on Clark (absolutely LOVED it), the forecast of another funky-chic-coat-less winter to come (but you never know.. might actually buy one soon!), the rava dosa (and not so brilliant rava dhokla?), the french fries craving that still rages on, yada yada.. etc.

The TV Trap

There was a time in my life in the US where I didn't really watch TV, at all! But now, I just switch it on just because it is there! And boy oh boy, basic cable itself reels you in with so many channels and shows, I wonder what would be the state of affairs with more than 75 channels.

I am not a soap-opera fan. No tear jerkers for me, no thank you! Every time I'd visit home in India, there it will be, the inevitable array of soap after soap after soap. And each would be a melodrama at its best - long drawn out dialogues, music crescendo, a highly made-up female villain with the largest bindis and eyelashes, an avenged protagonist completely devoid of make-up (to throw in the sympathy votes), lots of family ties, and shady pasts.. Why do I not see things like Small Wonder, Friends, etc in the Indian context? Maybe it is because people keep dishing out the same old formulaic segments that are sure to get their ratings up.

Why I like episodes of Raymond, Friends, 8 Rules, and the like are because of one simple reason.. they need not be watched continuously.. week after week. You just catch an episode now and then, laugh over it, and just be! How cool is that? Though I must admit, I even watch re-runs of Friends episodes..

And now, its a whole new ballgame, the dawn of reality TV. Even better! The competitions and all the drama. I am more inclined to these things as compared to the TV shows of the old days.. (not that I'm THAT old!). But yes, I LOVE Project Runway.. why? I don't know.. I also catch a few episodes of Top Chef and America's next Top Model every now and then. There is something about these three shows that makes me want to watch them. Maybe its the fact that it is a competition of a different kind..

Oooh, and I love taking someone's side and seeing if they make it through to the final! Damn, I was rooting for Alyson, and finally, switched to Michael once she was out and he made the Pam Greer outfit. And how hilarious were some of yesterday's re-union clips! Tim Gunns's vocab sure made it fun ;)

But all said and done, the TV is a menace. If it just weren't around, I'd stick to renting some DVDs and watching them on my comp, and then, spend the rest of my time quite fruitfully. I would be roaming around downtown, window shopping of course ;) Else I would finally sit down to do my Oil painting of my interpretation of the Chicago landscape.. Hmm, its time to start it, but this weekend doesn't seem to be too promising. Too much to do, so little time..

Oh no, there is also my 2 credit project.. God save me!

Rice and shine!

I LOVE rice. Period. But lately, there seems to be this paradigm shift in my already confused universe. I have started HATING it.. whaaaaaaaat?

Yes, this is the morbid confession of a South Indian Madras Rice Freak. Rice for lunch, rice for dinner, and rice for breakfast at times too - that was me. But ever since I have started cooking rice daily and having it here at work for lunch, I feel like 'Damn, isn't there anything else I can eat?'. And for the past two-three weeks, all I can think of are McD's french fries and Potbelly-Panera-Subway sandwiches. Has eating rice become so monotonous? But how is it that three-course rice meals at home everyday went by pleasantly in Madras? The sambar, rasam, pachidi, curry and thayir sadam (man, if only I were a poet, my first ode would be to Thayir Sadam!) routine was sailing along so smooth then.

Ok, thinking of that, Thayir sadam still hasn't gotten hazy, its still strong and steady in my preferences. But its the basic rice that has become jaded. I wouldn't mind eating some frozen Mac n' Cheese for lunch, but please, don't give me micro-waved rice in a box again? Maybe it all has to do with the sitting on the sofa - eating from a plate - licking your fingers thing. Which is why I could probably explain the fact that I don't mind rice for dinner.

But why do I not mind Chipotle for a meal? Isn't that rice too? But nah, its FRESH. Complete, and a feast for the eyes too. Thats probably why I still like it. And which is why I love soups. They are so smooth, and easy to eat/drink(?). Oooh, its a T-storm outside now, and my mouth waters at the thought of the Broccoli-Cheddar at Panera.. Haha, lets drag B.

But does that mean, I have started not liking Indian cuisine.. No, that isn't true either. I still love rasam, cutlets, Hema's kitchen, India House appetizers, Sev batata puri from a box, etc etc.

It is but a passing phase I guess. I should just lay off the rice for a while, and start having all other things like salads, pasta, mac, pizza and sandwiches at work. That should have me panting for rice like a dog at dinner :)